Macura

[billyjack]

Butler i guess might possibly be the widowed great aunt (named Ethel, Bertha or Blanche) who married one of your grandfather's seven still-skirt-chasing brothers, who visits at Thanksgiving and sits judging at the dinner table, who wears clouds of way too much perfume, who shakes her head mortified as the loud several younger generations of kids forget to say grace, tell tasteless fart jokes or jokes about women, have way too much egg nog and hard cider, use their hands to grab extra slices of turkey and rip pieces of bread off the loaf instead of using a cutting knife, that sort of thing. Among others, this includes your 93 year old St John's great uncle who is carrying a piece in his belt and still wears a fedora and who loudly describes the night he once spent with "two long-legged Rockettes" in 1952, and your Marquette cousin who asks you to pull his finger and farts, and your Seton Hall single aunt who snaps gum and is with her 5th different boyfriend in the last month (a guy from Chechnya), and your yuppie Villanova uncle in his v-neck sweater with his Joanne Kearns looking wife and their perfect children who aren't allowed to drink soda. But mid-meal she (great aunt Bertha) does sip some creme-de-menthe and eventually lightens up. Just joking of course. Also, this doesn't represent every Thanksgiving of mine growing up. It does not.

BJack you were on a roll...why stop there?

So far:

Butler = Aunt Bertha who gets off her high horse after a few creme de menthes and release of gas
Marquette = the juvenile finger puller
SJU = old gun toting curmudgeon
Seton Hall - gum snapping spinster
Nova = Yuppie LL Bean family

You've GOT to finish the job of this BE Thanksgiving table analogy.

Friars =
Creighton =
G'town =
X =
DePaul =

You guys are too kind. Beware of complimenting me too much, otherwise i may never shut up. But i totally appreciate the compliments. Great reference to Coven and Tom Loughlin, and Billy Jack, love it, well done.

Xavier, my mid-20's cousin, throughout meal, half the time you look over and his seat is empty... it eventually hits you that he's slipping out back to get high... yeah, sure, there's a good chance you'll join him once or twice, leaving the table under the pretense that you have to "check the score of the Lions gane", c'mon you think they're that stupid? Just don't act too paranoid when you return, they can smell fear.

Georgetown, a great uncle... not showing, never shows... quirky... taking time off from the university... you'll receive a mysterious Christmas package in late February postmarked "Uganda", a gift from his travels through Kampala, on his way to a kon-tiki-esque voyage across the Indian Ocean...

DePaul, your flighty aunt, drives a Subaru, who always gets lost on the Dan Ryan and arrives late... but since she's responsible for the post-meal bundt cake and various homemade pies, it all works out... but beware, she owns 5 cats and you know that those cats, they're allowed on her countertops, so can you really bite into your slice of pumpkin pie with complete confidence that some of Mittens' loose fur hasn't been baked in?

Providence, another of your 56 cousins, shows up in a 1979 Olds Cutlass, he just refurbished it at his buddy's shop (yeah his buddy is named "Buddy"), mint condition, yeah, your cousin, with a velour sweater tucked into acid-washed jeans and with an extra long belt. Feathered haircut, no sideburns, yes that's Drakkar you smell, hey do they still make that or is it an old bottle from the MTV glory days... you of course can't take your eyes off his wife, kinda cheap, kinda sexy, always happy and cheerful, had gotten that nose job but really didn't need it, wearing Lee press-on nails and a choke necklace, probably willing to experiment with anything and anyone at any time.

Creighton, they're your aunt (who moved out to Omaha near her in-laws) and uncle, and they're of course hosting, and are the nicest people and very generous, though kinda hayseed-ish... the eggs in the potato salad, yeah they came from his hens, speaking of which, your uncle just came in from the coop and is walking around the house with chicken sh-t on the bottom of his workboots... yes it stinks... yes, your aunt is immune to the smell... yes, it's competing with the Drakkar... and yes, you'll get the 90 minute story of their son's new job at Domino Sugar corporate headquarters... no please, not sure i want to commit to joining you at the quilting class next Tuesday, i'd rather shovel the cow shit out of Uncle Gustav's barn instead... no, i actually don't wantbto do that either... and no, i don't want go with Uncle Gus and my grandnephew Ray-Ray to Wrestlemania, what are you high, i'll give that a hard pass.

The day ends with you sleepy from all that turkey, and extremely turned on by your Providence cousin's cheap wife... to get bad thoughts out of your head you try to focus instead on baseball, Madeline Albright and Golda Meir.

[anXUfan]

Truly a masterpiece.

[Xudash]

I mean, my God, go after a meandering standup career. You're on a roll.

This thread is funny on at least two levels now:

1. One particular dumbass Butler fan starts a stupid thread, but it somehow manages to lead to all this; HLOH Comedy Central.

2. We are treated to a funny view of one person's perceptions and insights into the personalities of our member schools (fan bases).

All this makes up for the continuing drivel that our two AAC fans contribute here. Well, there's an idea: billyjack, when you have the time, rollout your thoughts on certain AAC members. UCONN from your mind should be priceless, and I don't see the Wichita write up as involving very good dental work for them.

BTW, that Xavier cousin is heavily invested in legalized marijuana. Always focused on quality control.

[DanofXav76]

And who says you can't make chicken salad out of chicken S#@T?

[handdownmandown]

For CU, you are forgetting to mention the herbicide commercials on TV, FarmersOnly.com participation, Asian tourists creating a traffic jam in front of Warren Buffett's house due to excessive selfie taking, and Runza sandwiches (don't ask).

[DeePhence]

Well, there's an idea: billyjack, when you have the time, rollout your thoughts on certain AAC members. UCONN from your mind should be priceless, and I don't see the Wichita write up as involving very good dental work for them.

Hahah.

You have no idea how hard PC fans troll UConn on our boards. I am not sure if I know billyjack by another handle on our board, but if he's been around as long as I think he has, he'll know the godfather's epic post from (must be almost 20) years ago "Why we hate UConn". Sadly they have won 4 NC's since that post first made its appearance.

If any Friar fans can find it anywhere, please post it, while we eagerly await Blue Jay fans' takedowns of Wichita. God, I hate those fans. Being an in-law from a purple-bleeding K. State family, I know Shocker fans are not well regarded from outside of Sedgwick County, but having had to sit next to all of them at the Dunk two years ago in the NCAAs, I was literally trying to keep the vomit from spewing out of my mouth as my stomach turned. What a bunch of vile basketball fans, led by that would-be meth-head boozer Mrs. Gregg Marshall. Wow. We're glad we saved you from MVC hell and kept you from having to join the Aack! with those mouth breathers.

[Xufanintennessee]

Nildogg still butt-hurt by Macura sealing the deal. Can't wait until he does it again. TWICE.

https://twitter.com/brigidxu/status/698620496414429185

It's amazing that this Indy basement dweller has generated a 4-page thread.